The Enduring Commitment

Understanding the Torah and the Human Experience

One of the striking things about the relationship between Boreh Olam and Bnei Yisrael is that it is not presented as a perfect relationship.

As we read through the parashiyot, we encounter complaints, frustration, fear, disappointment, and moments where the people struggle to trust. Again and again, Bnei Yisrael question the path they are on. They focus on what is difficult, what feels uncertain, and what appears to be missing.

Yet despite all of this, the relationship continues.

Many couples experience seasons where their relationship feels dominated by frustrations. Conversations become centered around disappointments, responsibilities, unmet expectations, and old hurts. When this happens, it becomes easy to lose sight of what is working. The daily acts of care become less noticeable. The sacrifices each partner makes can become invisible. Attention shifts toward what is missing rather than what is already present.

In many ways, this is part of being human. We can grow comfortable with the blessings around us. We can focus on problems as a way of protecting ourselves. We can become so aware of the faults of others that we lose sight of our own.

When we are struggling, we naturally become focused on the problem directly in front of us. We begin paying less attention to the blessings that have become familiar. Over time, what is consistently present can become easier to overlook than what is temporarily painful.

Modern relationship psychology observes something similar. Researchers have found that when relationships become strained, people often begin interpreting even neutral or positive actions through a negative lens. Other research suggests that human beings naturally adapt to blessings and can gradually stop noticing the good that has become familiar. In both cases, perspective begins to shift away from appreciation and toward frustration.

For much of the wilderness journey, we hear the complaints of the people. We see their frustrations, fears, and struggles. Yet when Balak and Bilaam appear, the perspective of the story shifts.

Suddenly, we are no longer focused primarily on the complaints of Bnei Yisrael. Instead, we witness Boreh Olam watching over them, protecting them, and refusing to allow Bilaam to curse them.

What we see is Boreh Olam standing up for Bnei Yisrael.

Despite all of the complaints and frustrations, Boreh Olam still sees His people as worth protecting. He remains committed to them and to the covenant He made with them.

I often wonder if something similar happens in marriage.

Sometimes husbands and wives become so focused on their frustrations that they stop seeing one another clearly. They become experts in noticing mistakes, shortcomings, and disappointments.

In those moments, they can lose sight of the fact that the person frustrating them is often the same person who has been supporting them, sacrificing for them, caring for them, and standing beside them all along.

Sometimes it takes an outside challenge to remind people of what they already have. Sometimes it takes a difficult season to change perspective and help us notice what our spouse has been doing for us all along.

A health scare, a family crisis, financial stress, or some other external pressure can suddenly change the way we see things. The argument that felt so important yesterday becomes less significant. The spouse who felt frustrating becomes the person standing beside us.

There are moments when fear, hurt, exhaustion, or disappointment make it harder to see our spouse's intentions clearly. We may begin interpreting actions through the lens of frustration and complaints rather than through the lens of trust and love.

The relationship between Boreh Olam and Bnei Yisrael endured frustration, disappointment, and setbacks because it was built on something deeper. It was built upon an enduring covenant.

The same is often true in marriage.

Couples may experience conflict. They may go through periods of distance. They may struggle to appreciate one another at times. Yet when they intentionally cultivate trust, gratitude, and the ability to remember they are on the same side, they often discover that their relationship is stronger than they realized.

Sometimes they discover that their spouse was doing far more right than they had been giving them credit for all along.

Perhaps this also helps answer a question.

How could Bilaam speak so positively about Bnei Yisrael after everything we have just read?

The people complained. They struggled with trust. They made mistakes. They were far from perfect.

Yet when the perspective shifts, we are no longer looking primarily at Bnei Yisrael's shortcomings. We are looking at Boreh Olam's relationship with His people.

Chazal explain that Bilaam was ultimately forced to view Bnei Yisrael through Boreh Olam's perspective rather than through the eyes of an accuser. While the nation was imperfect, the covenant remained intact because the relationship between Boreh Olam and Bnei Yisrael was one of closeness and enduring commitment.

Whether we think of that relationship as one of a parent and child or through the marital language used throughout Tanach, the overall perspective remains one of love, commitment, and connection. There may be moments of disappointment, correction, or growth, but those moments exist within a larger relationship that endures.

Despite Bnei Yisrael's shortcomings, Boreh Olam remains committed to them. The covenant continues.

The same is often true in marriage.

Couples who remain focused only on frustrations can lose sight of the larger picture. They can forget the years of sacrifice, support, loyalty, and care that helped build the relationship in the first place.

Perhaps relationships are not defined by their worst moments, but by the covenant that continues to hold them together through those moments.

Torah Sources

• Bamidbar 22–24
• Bamidbar 23:21
• Devarim 23:6
• Sforno on Bamidbar 23:21
• Siftei Chachamim on Bamidbar 23:21
• Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch on Bamidbar 22–24
• Hoshea Chapters 1–3

Psychology Sources

• John Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
• Robert Emmons, Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier